I am a Mom

     I am a stay at home mom, and my little love will be 14 months old tomorrow!  I can not believe how fast she is growing up, and I feel so fortunate to be able to spend every day with her.  In just about 5 months, my little love is going to be a big sister!!  I can't wait to add another sweet baby to our family!  Don't get me wrong, of course there are good days and really hard days.  There are days when toys and books are everywhere and the house is a mess.  There were days in my first trimester where I blockaded my daughter in our living room, because I was so sick.  There are always dishes to be done, but I love my job!  Yes, you read that right, being a mother is my job.  
     It is unreal to me how many people ask me if I miss working.  I work harder now than I ever did at what you may consider a typical job.  I am raising a human!  In the last 6 months, I have been asked to sell, Rodan and Fields, Jamberrys, Mary Kay and Arbonne - twice.  Don't get me wrong, I love the products and the people who sell them, but I already have a job.  When asking me to be a consultant people say things like, "don't you feel like you should be contributing to your family financially?"  Nope, not at all.  Raising a happy, healthy, child who will grow up able to add value to our society is what I am contributing.  
     I didn't just buy my little one a tablet and let the tablet raise her, I am raising my child.  Every day we read together, and we sing songs.  I teach her the names of body parts and animals, and the sounds that animals make.  I'm teaching her that life is fun, through dance parties and blowing bubbles.  She learns that we can grow things to eat, every day when we water the garden together.  She is learning to walk, and say words, and that her hands can feed her tummy. She is learning to be social through play dates, swimming lessons, mommy and me yoga class, and story time at the library.  She's learning about God and faith, when we say our prayers and she folds her hands and says "amen."  Our dog is teaching her to love things that look different than her.  She's learning to enjoy the simple things in life when she stops to smell the flowers, even if she's just smelling a picture in a book.  She is growing and learning so much, I can't even imagine missing one day with her.  She is, seriously, the best gift anyone could have ever given me, and I am so thankful that my husband feels the same way, and is proud that I can be home raising our daughter (soon to be children!).

Last fall at the pumpkin patch!

     When I was in 2nd grade we talked about what we wanted to be when we grew up.  I remember, clear as day, telling my class that I was going to be a mommy when I grew up.  It has been the only thing I've ever wanted to do, but I also know that it's not for everyone.  My sister is a fabulous mom and she is a business professional with suits and a fancy job downtown.  I have never wanted a fancy job downtown.  I have never felt pressure to earn so much, or save so much, or prove that woman can work as hard or hold the same jobs as men.  That's just not me.  Since college, I was a youth minister for a few years, I backpacked Europe, I worked at a coffee shop, I was a reading tutor at an elementary school, and now I'm a mom.  It may be the worst paying job in the world according to my (non-existent) bank account, but it is the best paying job based off of the smiles, and giggles and cuddles I get.  I'm thankful that we have people to run the world, and the banks, and all of the businesses downtown, because I could never do that, but I am mostly thankful for my husband.  I am thankful that he has a job that can support our family, and that he sees the value in me staying home, because without him, I wouldn't be able to have my dream job.  

Let's Get Real About Having A Baby

     If you're familiar with my blog, you know we've been expecting a baby.  Well, we had our beautiful baby girl.  She was born one month ago today, and let me tell you - it has been much different than I expected.  In this post I'm going to get real with you.  
     When you are thinking about getting pregnant you worry about things like morning sickness, later in your pregnancy you worry about your water breaking in public, or how bad labor will hurt, or you think, "Oh my gosh, there is a human growing inside of me, and I am going to have to push it out!?"  All of those things are not so bad compared to something we don't even worry about or think about at all - the first few weeks of your child's life.  
     Seriously, labor and delivery is not a big deal.  It lasts like one day of your entire life.  You can be uncomfortable and in pain for a day.  Once you decide to go to the hospital they have magical potions there that make you feel less pain, or maybe even feel nothing at all.  
     Then you have a baby, that you are instantly in love with, and you are responsible for her LIFE.  She knows nothing, she doesn't know how to go to sleep, or eat, or do anything, and you have to make sure she doesn't die.  This may sound easy, because after all, she's just a baby, she can't walk or crawl or run away from you.  While she may not be mobile, it is way harder than you could ever imagine.  Oh, and in addition to taking care of her, you have to take care of yourself, because YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH.  Even though you are cared for at a hospital you are not miraculously healed.  Plus, you're an emotional mess.  
     First things first - the emotions.  No one warns you about the mess that you become after giving birth.  You hear about the "baby blues" and postpartum depression, but "that will never be you, you'll be so happy and in love with your baby."  False.  I don't think I'm an overly emotional person, but I cried ALL the time.  One of my first crying episodes happened when the baby was in her crib the day we came home from the hospital, my husband and I were in bed literally on the other side of the wall, like five steps away.  I was staring at the baby monitor watching her in her crib, she was quiet and I was sobbing, because my baby was all alone.  I said, "don't you think she's lonesome?"  My husband told me that she's been alone her whole life, she doesn't know anything different.  I know he was trying to be helpful and comforting, but that was a really sad thought, and did not make the crying stop. 
     Second - breast feeding is HARD!  Everyone talks about how natural it is, so you think if it's natural it must be easy.  Baby will just know what to do, and my body will just do it.  False.  Breast feeding is literally the hardest thing I have ever done.  It takes 3-5 days for your milk to come in.  In the mean time, baby just sucks and sucks and your nipples get raw and bloody and it's horrible.  Our daughter lost a ton of weight before my milk came in.  When it did, I was in so much pain from the rawness that nursing her was so painful.  I went to lactation consultants almost every other day.  I was putting special creams on, doing everything they said and it wasn't getting any easier.  Now I pump and give baby a bottle of breast milk and it is 100 times better for all of us.  

I became a better mother when I quit breast feeding our baby.  

Before I quit breast feeding I would try to make baby go back to sleep when she woke up to eat, so I wouldn't have to feed her.  Breast feeding had gotten to the point of me crying in pain the entire time she ate.  My husband tried to console me, he tried to help, I'm sure he felt helpless.  At the same time he really wanted our daughter to get the health benefits that come from breast milk.  Luckily pumping and bottling is working great for our family.  
     Third - you know NOTHING about parenting until you become a parent.  I was one of those girls who grew up babysitting, I was a nanny in the summer, I watch my nieces and nephews and husbands-cousins-kids.  Still I knew nothing about parenting.  My brother's family and a friend of mine have/had a family bed, where their child sleeps in their bed as an infant.  Before I had kids I thought "crazy hippies," now my favorite thing in the world is sleeping next to my baby.  When she's sleeping in her crib if she fusses, by the time I hear her and get out of bed and get to her, shes crying and it takes a while to console her back to sleep.  When she's right next to me and fusses a little all I have to do is put my hand on her and she's asleep again.  It's such sweet time together, too.  I also used to think pacifiers weren't a good idea.  I thought, If you give your baby a pacifier; she'll need braces when she'd older, and she won't be able to fall asleep without it, and you won't be able to get her to stop using it.  Then I had a child and after about three weeks, I thought, if I hear her cry for one more minute...!  I'm sure there are a thousand other things that I will change my mind about in the years to come, too.
     The first three weeks were really hard.  But let me tell you, it gets better.  My husband told me to put jeans on every day (instead of staying in pajama type clothes).  That helps.  Get out of the house.  Just being in fresh air or running an errand helps.  Each day gets easier and easier.  I can tell you, my baby is one month old today and we are doing good.  We have a routine (sort of), we leave the house, I figured out how to work the stroller, and there are so many good moments.  While we are all still over tired and figuring things out, I wouldn't change it for the world.

See, we're doing good.  Here is a picture of our one-month-birthday ballerina.  :-)

5 Tips for Talking with Pregnant Women

     I've been pregnant for one week short of 9 months.  During this last 9 months I have learned so much about how people interact with pregnant women.  Some of it is good and some of it is very, very, bad.  So, I thought I'd do you all a service and tell you how someone who is pregnant actually feels about what you are saying (or doing) to them.  

Here are some guidelines for interacting with pregnant women:

1. Ask before you touch.  I was super surprised by the number of people who just started touching my belly (even before I was showing!!).  Adult females, and kids are actually pretty good about asking first, but grown men just come up and touch you.  I know you have good intentions and are excited or curious about the baby, but my stomach is part of MY body, tucked right in between two places I cover up with a swimsuit.  Grown men, if a female wasn't pregnant would you ever just go up and touch her stomach?  I sure hope not!  Females are so body conscious that just the idea of someone touching my non-pregnant stomach kind of freaks me out, like I have to flex or make sure I don't feel squishy.  Don't get me wrong when people ask to touch my pregnant belly I say yes almost 100% of the time, especially if we are friends or family.  There may however be a day when my stomach is feeling especially sore or something where I would rather not have you touch me, especially if you just work in the same building as me, and I'm not even sure what your first name is.  

2. Please don't ask about my vagina.  This is an issue that comes up more with adult females.  Now that I'm close to my due date there have been so many women asking me totally inappropriate questions.  I understand that you are trying to find out when we all get to meet baby, but asking about if I'm dilated or how dilated or effaced I am is truly none of your business.  I know you're excited, we all are, but ask me when I think baby will be born.  If I don't really know you, I'll tell you baby's due June 3rd!  If we're acquaintances or new friends  I may tell you, the doctor said I'm measuring a week early!  If we're close friends or family and I think you actually want to know, I'll give you the details.

3. Don't forget it's my body we're talking about.  Yes, I have a human growing inside of me.  Yes, that is exciting and intriguing and weird.  I understand that you have questions or curiosities about it, but remember that we're essentially talking about my body.  If you wouldn't want someone to ask you the question you're about to ask me when you aren't pregnant, you probably shouldn't ask me even though I am pregnant.  It's the same with the touching, if you wouldn't want someone to touch you with no warning, please don't do it to me.  Remember the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.

4. I do NOT want to hear your birth stories, and if I do, I'll ask.  There have been SO many women who have told me all of the details of when they had their kids.  I do not want to know how long you pushed or how your epidural didn't take, or how it was the worst 19 minutes of your life, or anything about you giving birth.  If you really need to tell me something, tell me every birth is different, because that is always the point of your story.  
     I did ask my mother-in-law about my husbands birth, because in my mind, that could affect how I give birth.  I was curious about laboring in a bathtub, so I asked one of my best friends, who did that, about her experience.  I was weighing the pros and cons of an epidural and my sister decided not to have one with her second child, so I asked her about it.  I'll ask, if I want to know something.

 5. Watch HOW you say things.  This sounds kind of silly, but pregnant women have tons of hormones floating around in their bodies so we may be a little extra sensitive.  People say things to me like, "Every time I see you, your stomach looks bigger!" Thanks...?  I realize you are talking about the baby, my hormones are telling me that you're calling me fat.  Another phrase that drives me nuts is "You're still here?"  Uhmm, yes and my due date isn't for a couple of weeks, so it's nice to see you too...?  Apparently there are also some people that think the pregnancy waddle is cute, because they say things like, "Aww you're starting to waddle!"  Gross, I'm not a duck and that just means I'm as big as a house.  Again, I realize you are excited, but saying something like "You look really good!" or "I can't wait to meet your sweet baby." are better choices.  
     Here is the worst thing that people say to me (in my opinion, of course): "Don't you just LOVE being pregnant!"  I always want to respond with, "No.  I hate it usually.  Morning sickness, sucked.  I'm tired ALL the time.  I hate what it's doing to my body, and that I can't eat or drink certain things.  I really hate that I can't take medicine, especially when it's allergy season.  I hate that I'm always gassy and that people talk to you like you don't exist because its all about the baby.  I wish I could find just one sleeping position that doesn't hurt.  I wish it was easier to put my boots on." ...and I could go on and on.  

I'm not trying to sound pessimistic.  I'm actually usually very optimistic, and there are lots of things about pregnancy that aren't bad.  For instance, I love it when I can feel or SEE baby move.  I loved when we saw baby for the first time at our ultrasound.  I loved putting the baby room together and planning for baby.  I am SO excited to meet baby.  Honestly, I would do it all again in a heart beat because I'm so excited to become a mom and I know baby is going to be one of the best things that's ever happened to us.  I'm just trying to make people aware of the fact that we all need to think before we do or say things, especially when we are talking to a hormonal pregnant woman.  

Maternity Photos

     Not too long ago I stumbled upon this blog.  It's the blog of an engineer who is fairly new to the photography scene.  She decided that she wanted to focus on wedding photography, and she was looking for couples to take photos of to expand her portfolio.  I thought that was such a great idea, and a great opportunity for my husband and I to get some fun maternity photos taken.  So, I responded to the blog and a while ago we had our baby-bump-love-birds photo session!
     We met Jessica Lynn at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis.  She was super friendly, and we had a great time!  Actually, I had a great time.  My husband doesn't love getting his picture taken.  Jessica was great!  She checked out good picture spots before we got there, and she told us how to pose and fixed us when we were doing something weird.  We took pictures at the Guthrie, the Stone Arch Bridge and the Mill ruins, all in less than 2 hours!  Which made my husband happy. :-)  We got some awesome shots!  Here are a few of my favorites.  

     If you like what you see and you are looking for a photographer check out Jessica Lynn!  She just launched her new website.  It is: www.lightandlovestories.com.  Jessica even decided to use a few photos of us on her website so she gifted us a matted photo from out shoot!  It made a super awesome addition to our baby room.

  

I am...

     I'm hoping not to offend anyone with this post, but when I set out to write a blog my aim was to write about not just the fluffy stuff, but the hard things too.  So, today I am going to stray from my typical blogs about getting ready for baby and write about something a little deeper, and a little more difficult to write about.  
     Not too long ago this photo showed up on my Facebook News Feed.  I have no idea who this little girl is, but she's adorable, so naturally I clicked on the picture to see what her sign was about.  When I read her sign it actually made me really sad, about what this beautiful little girl is being taught.  
     I've read the Bible; I have a Masters in Theology.  That by no means makes me an expert on this topic, but I do have some idea what I'm writing about, and my God would never tell me that I am dumb and that I am nothing.  In fact when I read the Bible, I find the opposite is true.  
     In the book of Proverbs 3:15 God says that we are more precious than silver, more costly than gold, more beautiful than diamonds and nothing compares to us.  
     In Jeremiah 1:5 God says, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart."  The book of Jeremiah continues to tell us how worthy and loved we are in chapter 29:11 when we read, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  
     We learn that we are "marvelously and wonderfully made," in Psalm 139:14.  All of these Bible passages come from the Old Testament, where we also hear things like we are sinners, and fall short, but then the greatest day of all happens.  We see God's love for us like never before.  In the New Testament God shows us how grand His love for us is when He sends His only Son to die - for US.  Jesus lived in His mothers womb, was born and lived a fully human life - going through all of the struggles and strife of a human.  He was tempted as we are.  Not only was Jesus fully human but He was also fully divine.  He preformed miracles and His following grew.  The Kings and high and mighty powers of the time didn't like people following another human, who wasn't them, so Jesus was imprisoned and tortured.  He knew He was about to be killed, He was filled with horror and sadness, and He cried out to His Dad, "If it is possible let this cup be taken from me.  But your will be done, not mine."  - Matthew 26:39
     Can you imagine watching your child suffer, and cry for help?  You know he is going to be put through so much pain and suffering and be killed.  You could stop it, but you don't.  God didn't stop it because He knew that His Son had to die so that we, yes YOU and ME, could live.  My God loves me SO much.  He knows the number of hairs on my head (Luke 12:7).  
     
Religion tells me that I am:
- Precious
- Beautiful
- Worthy
- Set Apart
- Prosperous
- Marvelous
- Wonderful
- Loved more than anything in the world
     
     And this is not even scratching the surface of what religion tells me about how great I am.  Not only that, but in the pages of the Bible I am given advice, and put at ease.  I am comforted and encouraged.  
     A Bible verse that I clung to for a long time says, "Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10.  To me, this says, "(Be still) calm down, relax, don't worry (and know) don't think or wonder, but have faith in the fact (that I am God), I am God - the one who created you and loves you so much that I sent my Son to die, for YOU.  Relax, I got this."  
     After actually reading the Bible and researching biblical times and cultures and traveling to Israel and learning so much about religion I can't see how people can be so against something that teaches love, and the golden rule (treat others how you would like to be treated), it teaches us to help others and encourages us through difficult times.  I wouldn't be able to survive one day without my faith and religion.  

Our Daughter

     This past weekend we went up north to visit my husbands family.  While on the road I said to Brian, "I hope our daughter is like you."  He responded with something like, "why?" or "what do you mean?"  I told him that I hope she is smart like him, and that he has so many good qualities I would love for her to have.  His next question surprised me.  He asked, "What do you want her to have from you?"  

     I'm not sure why this question surprised me so much.  Maybe because we were talking about him, and if we were talking about me I'd probably want to hear more about me, and not think to change the topic to him.  I don't know, but the question, 'what do I want my daughter to have from me,' was a really hard question.  I answered, "My eyes.  I have my daddy's eyes and I think it would be fun for her to have them too."  

     For my husband, I could come up with a million character traits, in a heartbeat, that I want our daughter to have.  For me, I could only come up with one trait - a physical one.  Eventually I came up with more, that I want her to be outgoing like me and confident enough to dance around and raise her hand in class, but, "I don't want her to be so outgoing where she talks all the time because that's annoying."  

     This simple conversation in the car made me wonder so many things.  Why is it so easy for us to see the good in others and more difficult to see it in ourselves?  Are we really that hard on ourselves or do we just not really think about our own character traits?  It also made me wonder if I came up with a physical trait for me, because I'm a girl.  I know that females are more than just pretty faces, but all of the media we see daily tells us differently.  Has the media affected my thoughts that much, enough to make my first thought of females be of beauty before all of the other things that women are so great at?  So many women have such fantastic inner beauty, which is what really matters!  I am a grown woman, and if I am so affected by what I see on the internet, TV and in magazines, I can't imagine how much it affects young girls!  

     I hope our daughter is smart, and kind.  That she is friendly and good at friendship. I hope she is helpful and happy and full of life.  I hope she is playful and can be herself, not try to be someone else.  I have lots of high hopes for our daughter, but most of all I hope she knows how much she is loved, and that she is loved for her inner beauty not just whats on the outside.  

Nesting!

     We get to meet our baby girl in just about 3 months!  One Saturday morning, my husband, Brian, and I decided to buy a crib and register for our upcoming baby.  This set the nesting mode in motion.  :-)  Our parents bought us a few of the "big" items and we are now in the full swing of getting ready for our sweet baby girl!
     The room that we are turning into the baby room is a mauve-y, brown color.  I'd maybe call it mocha.  We decided not to paint the room because it works for our daughter, and if we have a son one day it would work for a boy too.  That means that when I decorate I get to girl it up! 

First, Brian (with a tiny help from me) put together the rocking chair and the crib.  

     When we were registering we found a ton of cute pink things that had monkeys on them.  We decided that pink and monkeys would be a super cute theme for our baby room!  One weekend Brian went ice fishing, so I decided to get to work on the baby room.  We talked about what I was going to do to the room before he left, so it wasn't a total surprise.  Here is what happened:

     

     Ahh!  Those are zoo animals and monkeys in tutus dancing around the words!  (It's a Zebra, Hippo, Lion, Elephant, and 5 Little Monkeys.)  Ha!  I love it!

     The next weekend I was babysitting some relatives kiddos and my husband decided to put together the changing table/dresser.  This turned out to be quite a project.  It took him like 4 hours to put together, but it is so awesome and sturdy, and it's adorable!

     There was one more wall I wanted to girl up.  :-)  We bought a wall decal to put up, which apparently, you need to be an engineer to do.  Ha.  The decal is a tree and Brian had to put up the entire tree.  Literally, the one part that I started "helping" with we had to cut out with an exacto knife.  We hid it pretty well though, so that's good.  Even though Brian had to put up the tree I could do all the leaves and birds myself.  This is how it turned out.  

     Ahh!!  Can you tell we are excited!!  I love this wall and the entire baby room!!  We've still got plenty to do, but the baby room is coming along so nicely and the big stuff in there is done, so I thought I would share my excitement with you.  I can't wait until we get to meet our sweet baby girl!