I've been pregnant for one week short of 9 months. During this last 9 months I have learned so much about how people interact with pregnant women. Some of it is good and some of it is very, very, bad. So, I thought I'd do you all a service and tell you how someone who is pregnant actually feels about what you are saying (or doing) to them.
Here are some guidelines for interacting with pregnant women:
1. Ask before you touch. I was super surprised by the number of people who just started touching my belly (even before I was showing!!). Adult females, and kids are actually pretty good about asking first, but grown men just come up and touch you. I know you have good intentions and are excited or curious about the baby, but my stomach is part of MY body, tucked right in between two places I cover up with a swimsuit. Grown men, if a female wasn't pregnant would you ever just go up and touch her stomach? I sure hope not! Females are so body conscious that just the idea of someone touching my non-pregnant stomach kind of freaks me out, like I have to flex or make sure I don't feel squishy. Don't get me wrong when people ask to touch my pregnant belly I say yes almost 100% of the time, especially if we are friends or family. There may however be a day when my stomach is feeling especially sore or something where I would rather not have you touch me, especially if you just work in the same building as me, and I'm not even sure what your first name is.
2. Please don't ask about my vagina. This is an issue that comes up more with adult females. Now that I'm close to my due date there have been so many women asking me totally inappropriate questions. I understand that you are trying to find out when we all get to meet baby, but asking about if I'm dilated or how dilated or effaced I am is truly none of your business. I know you're excited, we all are, but ask me when I think baby will be born. If I don't really know you, I'll tell you baby's due June 3rd! If we're acquaintances or new friends I may tell you, the doctor said I'm measuring a week early! If we're close friends or family and I think you actually want to know, I'll give you the details.
3. Don't forget it's my body we're talking about. Yes, I have a human growing inside of me. Yes, that is exciting and intriguing and weird. I understand that you have questions or curiosities about it, but remember that we're essentially talking about my body. If you wouldn't want someone to ask you the question you're about to ask me when you aren't pregnant, you probably shouldn't ask me even though I am pregnant. It's the same with the touching, if you wouldn't want someone to touch you with no warning, please don't do it to me. Remember the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.
4. I do NOT want to hear your birth stories, and if I do, I'll ask. There have been SO many women who have told me all of the details of when they had their kids. I do not want to know how long you pushed or how your epidural didn't take, or how it was the worst 19 minutes of your life, or anything about you giving birth. If you really need to tell me something, tell me every birth is different, because that is always the point of your story.
I did ask my mother-in-law about my husbands birth, because in my mind, that could affect how I give birth. I was curious about laboring in a bathtub, so I asked one of my best friends, who did that, about her experience. I was weighing the pros and cons of an epidural and my sister decided not to have one with her second child, so I asked her about it. I'll ask, if I want to know something.
5. Watch HOW you say things. This sounds kind of silly, but pregnant women have tons of hormones floating around in their bodies so we may be a little extra sensitive. People say things to me like, "Every time I see you, your stomach looks bigger!" Thanks...? I realize you are talking about the baby, my hormones are telling me that you're calling me fat. Another phrase that drives me nuts is "You're still here?" Uhmm, yes and my due date isn't for a couple of weeks, so it's nice to see you too...? Apparently there are also some people that think the pregnancy waddle is cute, because they say things like, "Aww you're starting to waddle!" Gross, I'm not a duck and that just means I'm as big as a house. Again, I realize you are excited, but saying something like "You look really good!" or "I can't wait to meet your sweet baby." are better choices.
Here is the worst thing that people say to me (in my opinion, of course): "Don't you just LOVE being pregnant!" I always want to respond with, "No. I hate it usually. Morning sickness, sucked. I'm tired ALL the time. I hate what it's doing to my body, and that I can't eat or drink certain things. I really hate that I can't take medicine, especially when it's allergy season. I hate that I'm always gassy and that people talk to you like you don't exist because its all about the baby. I wish I could find just one sleeping position that doesn't hurt. I wish it was easier to put my boots on." ...and I could go on and on.
I'm not trying to sound pessimistic. I'm actually usually very optimistic, and there are lots of things about pregnancy that aren't bad. For instance, I love it when I can feel or SEE baby move. I loved when we saw baby for the first time at our ultrasound. I loved putting the baby room together and planning for baby. I am SO excited to meet baby. Honestly, I would do it all again in a heart beat because I'm so excited to become a mom and I know baby is going to be one of the best things that's ever happened to us. I'm just trying to make people aware of the fact that we all need to think before we do or say things, especially when we are talking to a hormonal pregnant woman.
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