Let's Get Real About Having A Baby

     If you're familiar with my blog, you know we've been expecting a baby.  Well, we had our beautiful baby girl.  She was born one month ago today, and let me tell you - it has been much different than I expected.  In this post I'm going to get real with you.  
     When you are thinking about getting pregnant you worry about things like morning sickness, later in your pregnancy you worry about your water breaking in public, or how bad labor will hurt, or you think, "Oh my gosh, there is a human growing inside of me, and I am going to have to push it out!?"  All of those things are not so bad compared to something we don't even worry about or think about at all - the first few weeks of your child's life.  
     Seriously, labor and delivery is not a big deal.  It lasts like one day of your entire life.  You can be uncomfortable and in pain for a day.  Once you decide to go to the hospital they have magical potions there that make you feel less pain, or maybe even feel nothing at all.  
     Then you have a baby, that you are instantly in love with, and you are responsible for her LIFE.  She knows nothing, she doesn't know how to go to sleep, or eat, or do anything, and you have to make sure she doesn't die.  This may sound easy, because after all, she's just a baby, she can't walk or crawl or run away from you.  While she may not be mobile, it is way harder than you could ever imagine.  Oh, and in addition to taking care of her, you have to take care of yourself, because YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH.  Even though you are cared for at a hospital you are not miraculously healed.  Plus, you're an emotional mess.  
     First things first - the emotions.  No one warns you about the mess that you become after giving birth.  You hear about the "baby blues" and postpartum depression, but "that will never be you, you'll be so happy and in love with your baby."  False.  I don't think I'm an overly emotional person, but I cried ALL the time.  One of my first crying episodes happened when the baby was in her crib the day we came home from the hospital, my husband and I were in bed literally on the other side of the wall, like five steps away.  I was staring at the baby monitor watching her in her crib, she was quiet and I was sobbing, because my baby was all alone.  I said, "don't you think she's lonesome?"  My husband told me that she's been alone her whole life, she doesn't know anything different.  I know he was trying to be helpful and comforting, but that was a really sad thought, and did not make the crying stop. 
     Second - breast feeding is HARD!  Everyone talks about how natural it is, so you think if it's natural it must be easy.  Baby will just know what to do, and my body will just do it.  False.  Breast feeding is literally the hardest thing I have ever done.  It takes 3-5 days for your milk to come in.  In the mean time, baby just sucks and sucks and your nipples get raw and bloody and it's horrible.  Our daughter lost a ton of weight before my milk came in.  When it did, I was in so much pain from the rawness that nursing her was so painful.  I went to lactation consultants almost every other day.  I was putting special creams on, doing everything they said and it wasn't getting any easier.  Now I pump and give baby a bottle of breast milk and it is 100 times better for all of us.  

I became a better mother when I quit breast feeding our baby.  

Before I quit breast feeding I would try to make baby go back to sleep when she woke up to eat, so I wouldn't have to feed her.  Breast feeding had gotten to the point of me crying in pain the entire time she ate.  My husband tried to console me, he tried to help, I'm sure he felt helpless.  At the same time he really wanted our daughter to get the health benefits that come from breast milk.  Luckily pumping and bottling is working great for our family.  
     Third - you know NOTHING about parenting until you become a parent.  I was one of those girls who grew up babysitting, I was a nanny in the summer, I watch my nieces and nephews and husbands-cousins-kids.  Still I knew nothing about parenting.  My brother's family and a friend of mine have/had a family bed, where their child sleeps in their bed as an infant.  Before I had kids I thought "crazy hippies," now my favorite thing in the world is sleeping next to my baby.  When she's sleeping in her crib if she fusses, by the time I hear her and get out of bed and get to her, shes crying and it takes a while to console her back to sleep.  When she's right next to me and fusses a little all I have to do is put my hand on her and she's asleep again.  It's such sweet time together, too.  I also used to think pacifiers weren't a good idea.  I thought, If you give your baby a pacifier; she'll need braces when she'd older, and she won't be able to fall asleep without it, and you won't be able to get her to stop using it.  Then I had a child and after about three weeks, I thought, if I hear her cry for one more minute...!  I'm sure there are a thousand other things that I will change my mind about in the years to come, too.
     The first three weeks were really hard.  But let me tell you, it gets better.  My husband told me to put jeans on every day (instead of staying in pajama type clothes).  That helps.  Get out of the house.  Just being in fresh air or running an errand helps.  Each day gets easier and easier.  I can tell you, my baby is one month old today and we are doing good.  We have a routine (sort of), we leave the house, I figured out how to work the stroller, and there are so many good moments.  While we are all still over tired and figuring things out, I wouldn't change it for the world.

See, we're doing good.  Here is a picture of our one-month-birthday ballerina.  :-)